Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
