I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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