id be glad to
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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