party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
someone owes me an orgasm
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
