try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
