i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
