oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
