why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
