it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize