you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
