He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She bit a glass in half.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
