he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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