Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize