It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
did i walk over a car last night?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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