I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
