Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
