Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
