Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
