Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
