so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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