After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
