I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
