News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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