had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize