I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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