accomplished twins. life is a go
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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