I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
