Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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