just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
