I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
