Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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