A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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