I will die if light touches me.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
should my penis look like a turkey
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
