I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
