I hate all girls vehemently.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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