I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
