And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
