I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
