The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize