Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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