im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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