Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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