you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
