Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
