Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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