Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
