Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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