so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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