we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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