carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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