to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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