11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
