Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
