Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
