I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Randomize
