there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think your dad took our porno
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
