Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
