I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
