if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize