I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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