This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
