how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
