i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize