Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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