If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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