Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
