NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
