Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
