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Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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