Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
